Thursday, March 11, 2010

Washington: Dismantling Dissapointment In The NBA

The Wizards Casting Their Latest Spell:
A Level 14 F*** YOU I'M RICH!!

When you drive by a wreck on the highway, the real reason traffic slows is the sick often subconscious hunger man carries to steal a glimpse of death. Watching the Washington Wizards earlier this season was not dissimilar to this phenomenon. Three high profile, high priced, high risk all-stars all coming back from injury was a hot button topic. Despite a mounting list of concerns, the Wizards and a controlling share of the national media seemed optimistic, even going so far as to hang lofty expectations on the 2009-10 Wizards.

In the offseason the acquisitions of potent but undersized combo gaurd Randy Foye and scrappy Dakotan sharpshooter Mike Miller from the Timberwolves, in what ultimately became the Wolves right to call dibs on resistant Spanish mail order bride Ricky Rubio, seemed to be enough for some to draft a compelling argument that the Washington Wizards finally had the proper ensemble cast to be legitimate contenders. A starting 5 of Arenas, Butler, Miller, Jamison, and Haywood is as statistically solid as you'd have found at seasons start. Add a bench brimming with raw talented youth in Andray Blatche, Nick Young, Javaris Crittenton, and Javale Mcgee. Passionate journeyman looking to land permanent D.C. residence in Mike James, Earl Boykins, and Fabricio Oberto. And a dynamic veteran head coach with playoff experience in the newly appointed Flip Saunders and D.C. looked seriously legit. Especially in the context of the perennially weak Eastern Conference. On paper they were ready to jump off the goddamn page... Then the season started.



Caron Butler: Disgruntled and off target with his stroke. Feeling like a third wheel on a team he once co-captained.



Antawn Jamison: Sidelined the first 2 months with a partially dislocated shoulder, watching helplessly as spirits eroded and expectations turned from lofty to laughable


DeShawn Stevenson: Benches himself announcing that he is a detriment to the team.




Mike Miller: Hurt within a month.





Gilbert Arenas: Shaking off rust and finding that his shot was NOT where he remembered leaving it before multiple knee surgeries


But the ugliness that unfolded as the season progressed ranks amongst the worst in professional sports history. For a league already playing tug of war with a distant and fickle Post-Jordan fan base, one sick of pay-to-play pros, and desperately vying to counter the common white hollerpoints characterizing NBA Players as gang-bangers, thugs, and spoiled millionaires, the 09-10 Wizards have given haters the latest opportunity to reload* their talking points. On Christmas Eve 2009 Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton drew pistols over unpaid gambling debts in the Wizards locker room. Question: WHO BRINGS GUNS TO WORK?! Sidenote: SERIOUSLY?!


With season suspensions for both players NBA Commissioner David Stern continues to fight the war on league image. But how do you kill a Hydra?

WOW!! I Haven't Watched This In A While!!

In 2005, one year after the now infamous Palace Brawl between the Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons, the NBA launched it's aggressive re-branding campaign: NBA CARES.


I'm sure if you've seen an NBA game in the last five years you've caught one of these 30 second spots. Dwight Howard single-handedly building Haitian villages. Chris Paul running drills with the Special Olympics. But you can't win over the jaded with face time Stern. No matter how many times you document Udonis Haslem volunteering at the soup kitchen you will not change public opinion until a complete turnover in the NBA's premiere player's takes place. Player's who gain entry into the NBA inherit accountabilities to their teams and fan base, albeit often at a young age. And it is important to take these players actions in context. But we are not just talking about rookie mistakes, growing pains, and an egoist minority. We are talking about All-Star's making public displays of malevolence and money talks no-rulez decisions upon a national stage. We see these players continue their masquerade of the untouchable, through often calculated self aware behavior, hungry for headlines and pining for pull-quotes.

Outside the realm of the role model, team altruism, and league image lets talk about the local impact of problem players.



Symptoms include poisoning the locker room, tanking energy levels, and disrupting chemistry.


So Where Does This Leave The Wizards?




With Arenas and Crittenton suspended. Butler and Haywood Traded to Dallas. Jamison riding shotgun with King James in Cleveland. And a net return of Josh Howard, Al Thornton, James Singleton, and Quinton Ross. The Wizards used a mixture of cap-clearing triple lutzes and Lott's-wife-style full on demolition, in their A-Bomb obligated trade deadline moves. A series of forced transactions meticulously basted in a sense of impending urgency.

Let's start with the positives. Now free to develop with few limitations and even fewer expectations, Andray Blatche finally turned that frown upside down and has flourished in the now post-apocalyptic feeling Verizon Center. Abandoned Clippers little big man project Al Thornton has also come alive since the trade to D.C. proving that he's willing to at least attempt a rebound every now and again. And who's that in the starting 5? Is it a Bird**? Is it a James? No it's JAVALE MCGEE!! Who? Exactly... but hey, if you can take over double double duty for a sorely missed Brendan Haywood, now the glue in Dallas' screaming race to the finish line, you're A-OK in my book.

Now the bad news isn't a f****** surprise. The Wizards are a joke. And much like the comic stylings of Demetri Martin... not that funny. Ironically, intelligence even dressed in jokes clothing, (see: once again Demetri Martin... not into that guy), is just what the Wizards needed.

Financial maneuvering I understand. Dump big contracts, pick up some prospects, prepare for next years draft. But I don't understand the point of jettisoning problem players and contracts in return for Josh Howard, a bad blood small forward with a time honored tradition of seasonal injury. See: played for a week in D.C. before losing the remainder of the season to a torn ACL. This while retaining contracts with fading poster boy Agent Zero. INSERT GUN HUMOR HERE. And undeveloped, bad-blood foster child Crittenton.

I suppose this brings me to my point. In order to effectively create institutional change within your ball club you must start at the roots of both the finances and the personnel. I don't question most trades involving disgruntled poisonous players no matter the compensation: Iverson, Tyrus, Butler, Artest, McGrady etc... But I do think it's time these transactions were advocated for by management with the same care and calculated foresight that you would see with trades centered around contract dumping.

Setting a precedent in which player currency values both talent and disposition allows us to positively affect standards for the on and off court privileges associated with playing in the NBA. Not only does this work towards David Stern sleeping through a full night without uncontrollable sobbing, but ultimately sets the groundwork for bringing old disillusioned heads back to the game along with a new generation of fans that don't have to settle for a grab bag of petty selfish heroes.



Maybe I just miss 90's Garnett, but when I was growing up dude used to shoot hoops with neighborhood kids in his Brooklyn Park driveway outside of Minneapolis, never disrespected the city he loved, and left me with a hero whose convictions I emulated and will always remember.

Don't so much care for his crotchety tough-guy Celtics persona, but s*** Kirby Puckett's dead so all I have left is Ric Flair, Prince, and Da Kidd. I'll give him some wiggle room.

* pun INTENDED.
** comma Larry. boom.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Shut Up Dad!! You Just Don't GET IT!!


DAD: TURN OFF THAT NOISE!! FOR GOD'S SAKE!!

13 YEAR OLD: CHILL DAD!! This is totally my favorite band LMFAO!! Their music is totally Schwayze. My favorite song used to TOTALLY kind of be I'm in Miami Trick but now its KIND OF totally Shots

DAD:
Now you just jam on your juggler for one cotton packin' marmot boy! Your old man's gone and poured himself a steaming hot cup of confused here. What's this music even about? It sounds to me a lot like black men screaming at me followed by white kids whining at me. Son be honest with your poppi-san... this is how the kids like their rip rappin' served up?

13 YEAR OLD:
Ummmm yea Dad. They're like THE MOST popular musicians of all time.

DAD: Well son, today you've taught me a valuable lesson in humility. I'm proud to be your father and proud to be the Marketing and Promotions Manager for the National Basketball Association.

TWO WEEKS LATER IN A DEEP-SEA ROUNDTABLE BRAINSTORMING THINK TANK ON NBA YOUTH OUTREACH...





And if you really need an individualized NBA Team SHOTS MP3 I dare you to CLICK HERE

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Injury Binge: The Hurt Locker Edition


A quick rundown of league injuries...painstakingly Oscar themed.

JASON TERRY, INJURY BINGE RATING: AN EDUCATION

For reasons beyond comprehension Terry was left on the court during a 20 point rout of the T'Wolves and with four minutes left sustained an orbital fracture that should keep him out for the next 10-14 days. Dear Rick Carlisle, when you're up by 20 late in the 4th bring in the deeeeeep reserves for god's sake!! Your killing my fantasy team!!

RODNEY STUCKEY, INJURY BINGE RATING: THE BLIND SIDE
If you were watching the Pistons/Cavs game like I was you saw a pretty haunting scene. Anytime a basketball player collapses on court it conjures up imagery of Len Bias and Hank Gathers. Stuckey has been the only consistent developing contributor on a confused Pistons team bizarrely ravaged by both inexperience and old age simultaneously. Stuckey was released from the hospital earlier today and appears to have cleared all initial medical tests. Our best to him and his family. Come back soon.

TONY PARKER, INJURY BINGE RATING: UP IN THE AIR
Unfortunately for Parker and the rest of the tread-water Spurs it looks like the bone he broke during a scrap for the ball versus Memphis was in fact in his right hand. Parker without his shooting hand isn't much use to a team in desperate need of firepower. It looks like he'll be out around 6 weeks. And even if he can return will their be any games left to play for a Spurs team destined to face either Dallas or L.A. in the first round?

JOAKIM NOAH, INJURY BINGE RATING: A SERIOUS MAN
Dude wants to play... he reeeeally wants to play. But plantar fasciitis is no joke, see: Yao Ming and Zydrunas Ilgauskus' nasty bouts with the chronic and painful ailment. If anything heals heels it's time, but between Chicago trying to both hold off the Bobcats, and make a move on Miami's 7th seed I suspect we might see Noah prematurely rushed back to the court. Not smart in the long run... as longstanding cases of plantar fasciitis can often become increasingly degenerative and inflammatory. But what can you do when the biggest cheerleader of this plan is most likely Noah himself! Shut him down and keep working on the development of Taj Gibson who could greatly benefit from extended playing time and a veteran mentor in Brad Miller.

KENYON MARTIN, INJURY BINGE RATING: PRECIOUS
Martin has a partial tear of his left patella tendon and surgery is among the treatment options being considered. With Denver's fragile championship ecosystem in jeopardy, the loss of K-Mart would be a huge blow to the Nuggets hopes for a deep playoff run this year.

CHRIS PAUL, INJURY BINGE RATING: AVATAR
He's almost back on the court and who can't use an MVP caliber point gaurd, but who saw Darren Collison coming?! The rookie PG who over the last month has averaged 22.1 points on 55% shooting, shot 88% from the stripe, and averaged over 8 assists and 2 steals per game is playing like a man possessed, or perhaps controlled remotely by the mind of a crippled teamate in hopes of infiltrating a mysterious and noble culture from within?!

THE ENTIRE ROSTER OF THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS, INJURY BINGE RATING: INGLORIOUS BASTERDS

Golden State is dealing with a roster featuring 8 injured players...RIDICULOUS!!

03/05/2010 Monta Ellis (G) Back (Day-to-Day)
03/01/2010 Andris Biedrins (C) Groin (Day-to-Day)
02/27/2010 Raja Bell (G) Wrist (Out Indefinitely)
02/07/2010 Vladimir Radmanovic (C) Achilles (Out Indefinitely)
02/05/2010 Anthony Randolph (F) Ankle (Mid-March)
12/16/2009 Mikki Moore (F) Heel (Out Indefinitely)
11/17/2009 Kelenna Azubuike (G) Knee (Out for the Season)
10/15/2009 Brandan Wright (F) Shoulder (Mid-March)

Although they might not have been able to handle killing Hitler, their is no doubt in my mind that the Warriors All-Injured team could easily handle the Nets, the Timberwolves, and most likely Golden State's own active roster. Because the Warriors my friends, are f****** terrible.

BONUS: Topical former Oscar Nods



Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Ides of Ostertag: Honoring a Legend


March 6th marks the birthday of one of the most dominant centers in NBA history. A man who in college was a two-time All-American, two-time SEC player of the year, and received the Adolph Rupp Trophy as NCAA men's basketball player of the year in 1991. He also holds the NCAA record for blocked shots in a game with 17 blocks. A 4 time NBA champion, 3 time Olympic Gold Medalist, and even an NBA MVP.

Unfortunately for Greg Ostertag, he happens to share this mans birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAQ!!

But dammit how can you not love the high-top crew-cut!! Anyone who lived through the Jordan era was vicariously forced to experience the glory of my favorite lumbering Utah Hill Giant. Now don't get me wrong O had some game. For a big dude he could definitely get up for the shot block and even the occasional thunder dunk ... because that's how we did it in the 90's son!!

Pictured: The Birthday Boys
Not Pictured: Ostertag's Spine!!


But Greg resided in a different era of league athleticism. An era where teams could truly get away with position players. Ostertag was cast with Scorsesian precision on a consistent and frighteningly physical team. One pedigreed with a legacy of unparalleled pick-and-roll-dominated efficiency. He may not have been able to roll, but you can't say the man didn't know how to set a hell of a pick...

But let's get serious. If memories were hilarious pictures of Greg Ostertag then your high school reunion pretty much looked exactly like this:












This brings me to the next reason I insist on memorializing our Gentle Jazz Giant. His KILLER F****** TATTOO!!

Before full body and sleeve work became a near institutional fraternal initiation ritual in college ball and especially the pro game, Greg had the foresight to proudly sport this F****** GEM!!

This Is NOT a Joke. I Am Serious Like Satelite Radio!! The Legit OsterTAG!! Yabba Dabba Do? More Like Yabba Dabba Don't!! etc...



So I hereby proclaim today, March 6th, henceforth to be known as Greg Ostertag Day. May we celebrate a man whose consistently serviceable, yet generally uninspiring play, and propensity for ridiculous photographs provide us with fond rememberances of an age forgotten. An age where mammothian forest creatures the likes of Bryant Reeves, Cherokee Parks, Jim McIlvane, Dino Rada, and of course our beloved Greg Ostertag were free to roam the paint and subsequent hillsides in search of meat, bounty, and contracts inversely proportional to on-court value... because that's how we did it in the 90's son!!



TO GREG OSTERTAG DAY!! HAPPY OSTER TO ALL FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT TRIPPELL DUBBELL!!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Finley Signs With Celtics, Still Irrelevant Old Man...




Only three days after being released by a San Antonio Spurs team FINALLY starting to realize why they are no longer carded at Applebees, Michael Finley has signed with alleged NBA contenders the Boston Celtics. This adds to an already admirable collection of elderly 3-ball jacking statesman, and continues to confuse me as to the direction of this now-or-never success story, turned whimsical island stronghold for disparaged me-first castaways...

The release of Finley shows a dedicated diligence toward the implementation of the Spurs youth movement. In particular the development of George Hill, the lanky do it all combo guard out of IUPUI (Never heard of it? You're not alone...) Popovich is a no nonsense dude and he likes to reward tough guys, hard workers, and smart playmaking so telling the media openly that Hill is his favorite player on the team, even as an offhand comment, is pretty damn meaningful in my book! Although it seems like a no-brainer move to release long time Spurs jump shooting sidekick Finley (If you love something set it free... or at least let it go somewhere it might get some playing time) I think we now have enough evidence to officially call it a trend after Bowen, Thomas, Barry, and now Mikey F have been jettisoned to make way for budding rook's and soph's, I'm looking your way DeJuan Blair!!


And now a link to some NWS George Hill dik-pics ENJOI!!

The 7 foot Lithuanian Elephant In The Room



Yes we all knew it was going to happen but now it's practically confirmed by Ilgauskus Agent: Zydrunas Ilgauskus is once again going to be a Cleveland Cavalier destined to break a couple more all time Cleveland records shortly before Lebron decimates them all for the rest of mans natural existence... But this post is about Z and damn it give the man some love!!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Cleveland's Sweet Release: Dust Settles After Jamison Trade



After Antawn Jamison's 0-12 debut with his new home team Cleveland sports fans, who in their defense have been on the receiving end of an abusive relationship with their professional sports teams for years*, had apathetically given up hope on the former Wizards general. Under the breath comments and offhand grumbles that they still hadn't found their missing piece. Quick to say goodbye to their playoff hopes, goodbye to their championship, and goodbye to Bron Bron. Resigning themselves to be self fulfilling victims in their own vicious cyclical history of dissapointment.

Now seven games into the new look Cavs', Cleveland can give a collective sigh of relief. Jamison is a stud, even though every year i admit I look at his birthday, 6/12/76 if you must know, and think "Well, great season last year. But he's getting up there..." Dude is 34 and coming off a surgery that would have ended a lesser mans tenure as one of the most versatile floor stretching power forwards of the 2000's. Sure Jamison's scoring per is down a couple points in Cleveland (a big throbbing K'DUH) on a team with this many active weapons it was to be expected. Really, my only worry for the Jamison-Cavs experiment, a formula that assures a lock on home court advantage during the playoffs is the very strange phenomenon Jamison's developed of shooting under 68% FT percentage at home this year, as opposed to a near 78% on the road. That being said Jamison is a VERY good look on a new look team. Dear Danny Ferry, it took you twenty years but you've finally made up for that 2nd overall draft pick... (For those of you NOT from Cleveland the Cavs infamously drafted Ferry ahead of Glen Rice, Tim Hardaway, Shawn Kemp, Cliff Robinson, Mookie Blaylock, and of course my boy Vlade "Dadi We Like To Party" Divac in 1989)

So after two games of adjustments and a little time to get back into sync after the roster retooling we are starting to see a Cav's team streaking to the finish line. Also of note is the return of Mo Williams, say what you will but without Mo this team is not a championship contender. What Mo gives this team besides a generally excellent line is a tremendous weapon that you simply cannot ever forget about. Mo Will I repeat WILL always get his... it's a promise. I don't care if Mo comes into the fourth quarter with 3 points on 1-6 shooting he will end that game with 12 points and 3 three's to go with 5 assists.

Shaq Out Until Playoffs

If Cleveland is the "Forest City" They'll be missing their biggest tree for a while longer. Shaq's finger ligament injury did indeed require surgery and sources say he won't be back until the second round of the playoffs, and that may be a best case scenario.

In the mean time Cleveland has reached out to a familiar face and fan favorite (as if we didn't see Z's buyout coming)and are testing the waters in talks with Big Z to see if they can't make it 12 years straight in Ohio for our favorite 7 foot Lithuanian. Mr. Illgauskus I'm convinced would love nothing more than to end his career in Cleveland even if it means eating a little crow and playing Shaq-up back up, maybe even Hickson back up at this point... Rookie J.J. Hickson's play has been phenomenal as of late if you haven't been paying attention (and yes I know it's been coming in blowouts of the Nets and Knicks but come on the kid can play!!) Don't believe me check out his high pressure D against Boston!!



Until next time be well and check back with Trippell Dubbell soon!!

*see: The Browns, The Bengals, The Cavaliers, and The Browns again. I'll let the Indians slide but only because Major League is pretty much the best movie about all heart, balls out, punk rock pitching ever made!!

COSA SALVAJE QUE PIENSO TE AMO!!